A barber there was named Timothy Briggs,
Quite famous he was for making good wigs;
Till with a lass called Becky Bell,
Slap over the ears in love he fell.
Sing, rumble dum dairy, rumble dum day!
Mark well the truth that I say.
So they went to the church the knot to tie,
To a wooden-leg'd parson named Jonathan Sly
If you'd seen him you'd have laughed at him pump,
As he mounted the pulpit with a stump.
They'd been married a week or two,
When Becky turned out a most terrible shrew,
"No comfort I have with this woman," he said,
"I'll go back to the parson and get unwed."
So he went to the parson, and he said, "Mr. Sly
If I live with this woman I surely shall die.
You know, sir, you made us two into one,
So, I'm come for to know if we can't be undone."
The parson said, "That is a thing rather new,
I don't know that I've the power my flock to undo;
But in hopes that you'll lead a more happy life,
I'll call at your home and admonish your wife."
The barber, quite pleased, went taking his glass,
And the parson stumped off to lecture the lass;
When the barber went home, la, what did he see,
But the parson with Becky a top of his knee.
The barber at this bristled up every hair,
Says he, "Mr. Sly, what are you doing there?"
"Why you know that you wanted undoing my man,
So you see that I'm trying as fast as I can."
Yes, I think I'm undone as I ne'er was before."
So he kicked Mr. Parson straight out of the door,
Where he lay in the street, and his wooden leg stood
Like a spade sticking up in a cart load of mud.
They lived after this rather more reconciled,
And in nine months from then she brought him a child,
But the barber hung himself up on a peg,
When he found the child born with a new wooden leg.
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